Too Long

I am going to take full advantage of my day at home with a sick little boy. One of those advantages will be to sit down and actually post something here. I have nothing to complain about and find it interesting how it is harder to write about happy you are, rather than how difficult life is.

God has been proving himself faithful to us. I am learning that God honors your good decisions and hard work. It is wonderful to finally feel like after a few very very hard years, we just might have a reprieve to enjoy life for a while!

All our needs are met. We both have wonderful and stable jobs. We have the house we only dreamed of two years ago. Our marriage is stronger than ever. We are a part of a very special community of people who are on this journey with Christ. We have a healthy, happy and very special little boy. We seem to have it all, right? But through all I have learned in the short life of mine, is to never just settle for what I have. To never turn a blind eye to my weaknesses and be lazy about areas that I can improve. I believe that God wants more for me and I should have that same desire. I am looking forward to praying, reading books, and working on "doing better". As I continue to grow, I am enjoying the blessings I do have and thanking God for all the Joy he has given me!

Perspective

Perspective is the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance.

This last week I have been reminded of the importance of having perspective. Today is a very special day for me. Today holds a great deal of meaning. In order for me to appreciate today, however, I have to maintain perspective. I have to look back and see how much has changed in the last year and understand that things are going to continue to change.

I remember my husband and I were on a weekend getaway last year in our favorite spot, Chincoteague, Virginia. We were driving around the beautiful beach town and soaking up the peace. We started talking about the woman who owned and managed the bed and breakfast we were staying at. She had mentioned a few details about her past. She had been a mother and wife for most of her life. Recently, her husband had passed away and all her children lived in Florida. However, she had this wonderful life and had such a peaceful existence. She seemed so content. I told James that she helped me remember and understand that who I am today is not forever. All the good and bad about this stage in my life will change. Each stage of my life will bring new and joys and challenges, but this perspective helps me to appreciate where I am today because who knows what tomorrow will bring. For all I know, in ten years I will miss the exhausting days of running after a three year old. I might miss working hard and living a busy life. I could miss who I am because of who I might become.

Perspective is the knowledge that today is beautiful and I need today so that I can understand yesterday and know that I can get through tomorrow.

Long Week

I have avoided posting something this week out of fear that it would be too negative. However, at the end of my work week, I have just accepted that this was a very tough week mentally. There has been a lot going on and I am just overwhelmed. Hence why I am looking forward to a blizzard this weekend that will force me to be home and spend some quality time with the boys.

I have been hesitant to mention anything about my biggest struggle right now, but I figure that with four followers I am fine!

I had to go to the doctor on Monday afternoon. By the time I got there I was freaking out. My heart was racing and my blood pressure was so out of whack! This was due to reason I was there. No, I am not pregnant. Sorry to disappoint.

About a week before Christmas I found a lump on the right side of my neck. James and I talked about it and decided to give it some time since I had not been feeling so well since before Thanksgiving. Well, here we are in February and it is still there. I hadn't really been worrying about it at all. Not until I finally realized that this was real enough for me to need my doctor to look at it. Then it all hit me. All the emotion and fear. I don't know that I have felt so confused in a long time. I kept telling myself that this is when great faith is supposed to rise up in me and beat down fear and irrational thoughts. It was basically all just fear and irrational thoughts! I felt more calm by the time my doctor came in. I love my doctor and actually enjoy going and seeing him. He makes it fun, if that is at all possible. So, he sits down and says "Why do you have a lump?" and then starts typing away on the computer and updating stuff and then half mumbles to himself "Ok, lets not be nervous here." Well, come to find out, he had Hodgkins disease in 2002. He is very young too. He tells me all about his experience of what happened to him, which explains his first response to me. This actually makes me feel much better and comfortable knowing I am in good hands (yes, I know I am in God's hands too!). We talk and talk and go through the list of other symptoms and I don't think I have any of them. He then feels the lump and finds another tiny itty bitty one on the left side of my neck that I had not felt yet. I was trying to stay calm. After the exam he tells me that he is not worried about me right now. The lumps are both very small and we need to give them some more time to watch how the either grow, shrink, or stay the same over the next month or two. He doesn't want to do any testing right now since he doesn't want me exposed to radiation from a cat-scan at this point. He tells me to just relax and take it easy and then see where we are in about two months. That was it. Bye Dr. Jones!

But, then the real struggle started. For one, I am not a patient person. So having to "Wait and Watch" is very hard for me. Then there is the feeling of disconnect from everyone around me. And then, randomly throughout the day I would become overwhelmed with very dark thoughts about all the "what ifs". The other night while I was running I really felt God's presence with me bringing me peace and faith. I am a fighter and no matter what happens, I know I can face it with God and my family and friends. But I know I need prayer and support in the next two months as we watch and pray together. I need encouragement to not succumb to doubt and frustration. And I need prayer for my body to work the way it is supposed to and to heal and function properly. I am eating pretty good and trying to cut out all processed foods. I am also exercising again after the holidays, so I actually feel pretty good all in all.

So friends, I ask that you love me during this time. Show me that love by praying for me when you think of me.

The Beginning

I have been thinking about starting a blog for a long time. I have always enjoyed writing but never really found the right way to do it. I am hoping this is it.

I am not sure that I will keep one theme for all my posts, but I can guarantee they will revolve around my daily goal - To Love Well. By that I mean, not just love my family, friends, myself & God, but endeavor to do it well. I hope that at the end of each post I will see that I have loved and loved well.

So to anyone who cares to learn more about my life, I welcome to my mind and to my Life on Lehigh.

P.S. - A huge thanks to Samantha Bird of Nest in Bloom for doing an amazing job at designing my blog and encouraging me try something new. You are a wonderful person and I am so blessed to have you in my life.

Bright as yellow

Lyrics to my favorite song by The Innocence mission
{Click to watch the music video!}

And you live your life with your arms stretched out. Eye to eye when speaking. Enter rooms with great joy shouts, happy to be meeting. And bright, bright, bright, bright as yellow, warm as yellow.

And I do not want to be a rose. I do not wish to be pale pink, but flower scarlet, flower gold. And have no thorns to distance me, but be bright, bright, bright, bright as yellow, warm as yellow.

Even if I'm shouting, even if I'm shouting here inside.
Even if I'm shouting, do you see that I'm wanting, that I want to be so so bright, bright, bright, bright as yellow, warm as yellow.

First Post

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